So ready to move on

<--------- That way.

<--------- That way.

I wish I could be content with my job, because it's a great gig on face value. I am employed by a world-renown university, in a reputable department. I am paid extremely well. Really. It's indecent. But I feel intense discontent.

I have been unhappy since the beginning. For the last 13 years, I have had to deal with colleagues successfully dictating what I should be teaching, then telling students not to take my courses, implying to my face that I am not good enough for the department, then writing to the department to try to prevent my rightful promotion. Why? Because I am French-speaking, because I work on Francophones, because I am a historical anthropologist and not a social historian, because I don't have a penis. Only in the last three years have I finally been able to dictate my teaching load and in fact teach in my domains of specialty (including in the French department in French), though I have just discovered that one colleagues has resumed his telling students to stay away from me. I don't have inconvertible proof unfortunately, which is why I have not slapped him with a union grief, but still, ugh!

I have written about all this before, but the sentiment remains. I am so completely ready to move on. Either to a new department within my university (but the options are minuscule) or without. There is a slight possibility on the horizon that might materialize around 2017, but that is still pretty far away and contingent on that university's budget and government support.

Most importantly, my husband does not want to leave his job, he is extremely happy where he is. If the new position does come about for me, he would have to leave his current employment, because we would be leaving Ontario. This is causing him significant anxiety. My wish to leave my job causes him anxiety, so I do not mention it much. I am not willing to leave him either, so I have not been as gung ho in my search for another position as a result.

Then I listen to my son talking and all I want is to move back to Québec to make sure he doesn't turn into a Canadian nationalist willing to fully Anglicize. But all he has as models are the kids in his French Public school who are already embracing assimilation and two parents who work in English. Hell, this entry is in English! There are limits to what can be done here. He has expressed the opinion that if we were to leave Ontario, he would consider moving to Québec City, because his grand parents live there. And my bother-in-law who builds houses, because building stuff is cool. However, my still-very-hypothetical job prospect would be in Montreal, so much negotiation and comforting would be needed to make him accept the move.

This all means that two out of three members of my household don't want to move. So I am stuck in my nearly joyless job. My courses are at least satisfying. Quite so. I am teaching my specialties and I know what I'm doing. I am a good teacher. I am very good researcher, but I have had to put much of that on the back burner since my son's arrival. I am on sabbatical in 2015-16, so I'll be finishing all the manuscripts finally. I'm ready to move on to a new project too, so this does not help with everything else stated above. I can find some satisfaction in the everyday performance of my teaching duties. Unfortunately, this is not enough.

Will I be applying to the position in Montréal if it materializes. You can bet on it. I want this badly. But it will bring great difficulties in my personal life that will have to be sorted and will not be easy to solve. My son will adjust no matter what. My husband's happiness will take a lot more work.

In short, blargh.


En remplacement de l'entrée sur mon cours de SFQ qui est disparue

Un autre mois de silence? Inexcusable.

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